Okay, so Disney’s Tangled is basically what happens when Hollywood tries to rewrite God’s order with a Pinterest aesthetic and a ukulele soundtrack. The first five minutes alone? Total disaster.
First, we get the absolute obliteration of biblical structure: “This is the story of how I die,” says Flynn Rider, setting the stage for a man to be the focus. But, plot twist—this isn’t actually about him at all. The story instantly shifts to Rapunzel, and suddenly, it’s all about the girl boss journey. Because, obviously, Disney can’t have a strong male lead without making him second place. Ephesians 5:23? Never heard of it.
And just when you think it can’t get any worse, BOOM—pagan idolatry enters the chat. Instead of God being the creator and sustainer of life, Disney credits the Sun with divine healing powers. Excuse me? Last time I checked, Jesus, not the Sun, is the light of the world (John 8:12). Yet, here we are, watching a single drop of sunlight perform miracles like it’s got the exclusive rights to divine intervention. And to make sure you really absorb this paganism, they slap a graven image of the sun over Rapunzel’s crib.
Meanwhile, the original story? It actually makes sense because it’s a cautionary tale about what happens when you ignore God’s law. Rapunzel’s father, a man who should be leading his family (Ephesians 5:23), instead listens to his dramatic wife and steals from a witch. Because, obviously, that’s going to end well. And guess what? He loses his child.
Reminder: God doesn’t say “Thou shalt not steal” (Exodus 20:15) just to ruin your fun. He’s literally trying to protect you. But Rapunzel’s dad? Nope. He ignores biblical authority, lets his wife boss him around, and suddenly, his baby girl is locked in a tower with no exit strategy.
How to Ruin Your Life in One Sin or Less
Let’s rewind to how this mess started. We’ve got this desperate couple, praying for a baby. Instead of, I don’t know, trusting God to open the womb like He did for Sarah (Genesis 21:1-2) or Hannah (1 Samuel 1:19-20), the wife becomes obsessed with her neighbor’s forbidden garden. Because nothing says “good parenting” like cravings that lead to generational curses.
And who owns this garden? Only the most feared mean girl in town—an enchantress who makes Maleficent look like a PTA mom. And what’s she obsessed with? Lettuce. Yeah, not gold, not diamonds, not even carbs—just lettuce.
And because the wife must have it or she’ll literally die (cue eye roll), her husband—who, let’s be real, should’ve told her to chill—sneaks in and steals it. And what happens when you steal from a witch? She doesn’t just send a cease-and-desist—she takes your firstborn.
Fast forward: Baby Rapunzel is born, the witch pulls up like a repo man, and just like that—Rapunzel is gone.
She locks the kid in a tower with no door. No stairs. Just a single window. The only way in? Rapunzel’s literal miles-long hair, which the witch climbs like it’s some kind of VIP elevator. This poor girl is out here living like a medieval Barbie doll with zero life experience, waiting for something—anything—to happen.
Then Enter: Tall, Dark, and Handsome.
A prince hears Rapunzel singing, gets curious, and decides to investigate. Since “knocking” isn’t an option, he spies on the witch and learns the magic hair trick. One night, he tries it himself, and boom—it works. They fall madly in love (because, obviously), and they hatch an escape plan.
But since secrets in fairytales are about as secure as a middle school group chat, Rapunzel accidentally lets it slip to the witch that she’s been pulling up a different visitor at night.
Cue full villain mode.
The witch chops off Rapunzel’s hair, kicks her out into the desert (dramatic), and waits for the prince to show up. When he does, she’s like, “Surprise! She’s gone forever.” He, having zero emotional control, immediately throws himself out the window, lands in a thorn bush, and blinds himself.
Meanwhile, Rapunzel is out in the desert giving birth to twins. Because, be fruitful and multiply- obviously.
Eventually, the blind prince stumbles upon her (guided by the Holy Spirit, of course) and when she cries tears of joy, they magically heal his sight. The two love birds, now reunited, grab the kids, and head back to his kingdom, probably to start a royal influencer family.—because, fun fact: in the original, they actually get married.
Men, Be The Head—Not The Doormat
Here’s what Disney does wrong:
Marriage is the foundation of the family (Genesis 2:24), but Tangled makes Rapunzel beg for a proposal. In the real story? The prince marries her right away.
Men are the head of the household (Ephesians 5:23), but in Tangled, Rapunzel’s dad is a passive extra, and Flynn is basically a reluctant boyfriend.
Ignoring God’s law leads to chaos (Proverbs 14:12), and the original Rapunzel? A literal example of how sin ruins lives.
The real story isn’t just some fairytale—it’s a warning. If Rapunzel’s father had actually led his family, obeyed God, and not stolen from the world’s worst neighbor, they wouldn’t have ended up in a generational mess.
If You Didn’t Get the Hint, Here It Is…
Men—lead your families.
Women—stop making your husbands steal lettuce.
And Disney—stop trying to make paganism happen. It’s not going to happen.
Anyway, time for this Byrd to fly. Bye Bye Now.